Procrastination, Energy Drinks, and the Sorority Girl’s Lifeline?

By Alex Lazo

Every school break I tell myself I am going to start packing a few days in advance, and every semester I fail to do so. Now, if you know me or any girl that hoards as many clothes as I do, you understand that procrastinating for my 9 hour trek back to school is a recipe for disaster.

I like to think that I do not struggle with time management, but considering I was coined with the name ‘Late Lazo’ as early as middle school, there miiiight just be an underlying issue at hand. But, hey, at least I am not the only one because according to the October 2022 survey, 84.9% of Denisionians reported poor study habits with a procrastination issue. This statistic was measured through 127’s inquiry regarding the frequency of Denisonian cramming before exams as shown in the figure below.

While there is a fairly reasonable distribution of crammers and the non, we also found that the average Denison student does not commit themselves to completing all of their work. 127 detected that the typical student only completes 77.41% of their assigned coursework. On top of that, our community appears to be pretty reliant on energy drinks to accomplish their unfinished work.

Although intense work days obviously hinge on more energy dependence, the amount of energy drinks consumed on a typical day versus an intense work day share similar patterns with spikes in the same areas of work completed.

Nonetheless, the hardworking students of Denison are not the only group that looks to lean on energy drinks for a supplemental boost. Greek life is a pretty big fan of it around here, using it as a mixer to liven themselves up while still maintaining their state of intoxication. However, partying is not the only driving force for Greek life’s frequent purchase of energy drinks.

Now that sorority recruitment is over I think it is time we address the major addiction these girls have; they CLEANED HOUSE. I mean did you see any of them during recruitment without an energy can in hand? It became liquid gold around here. 127 found that women in Greek life have the greatest propensity to down an energy drink, which I can certainly attest to be true during my three years of working recruitment.

Full disclosure, this includes me, but sorority girls truly wiped out Silverstein Market, Slayter, the Granville gas stations, and IGA of all Celsius and Redbull for the entire duration of rush. There was one night I came home and my heart rate was a comfortable 125 BPM and all I did was clap, sing, and talk – I did not sleep for days. Even though Greek life ladies remain energy drink patrons year round, I for one am grateful to be getting some distance from the recruitment days. Hundreds of girls loaded up on that much caffeine at once was truly nightmare fuel and a heart attack waiting to happen.

Alex Lazo is a senior, political science major who recently just got a parking sticker for her car after campo hunted her down for months. You won this round, boys…

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